Further and continued bemoaning of this past Saturday

As alluded to in my previous post re: tOSU and, briefly, Notre Dame's demolition of Penn State, Saturday was not a good day for the Big Ten.

Let's have a rundown shall we?

Minnesota @ California

I watched this game for about the first half before tuning into the OSU-UT tilt. What I saw of it, was the California Golden Bears awakening from their hibernation -get it? bears? they hibernate- and waking up to find a bottom of the middle of the pack Big Ten team in front of their den/cave/domicile-keeping with the awakening bear metaphor here people- and the Bears were ever so pissed off. Coach Mason would be better served to continue piling on the cupcakes in the pre-conference schedule after this botched experiment. Highlight of the Game Marshawn Lynch "Zidane-ing" a hapless Gopher defender. Very well done and completely worth the penalty.

Metaphorically speaking the Golden Gophers stumbled upon a very angry grizzly bear right after awakening from hibernation. But instead of having the knife they had a broken spork.

New Hampshire @ Northwestern Congrats to New Hampshire, I despise Northwestern and could not be more thrilled that NW lost at home to a D 1AA. Presumably, Walker would've cajoled a victory outta this gang, but according to ESPN.com's scoreboard New Hampshire was playing offense for both teams, no wonder they won! Please, nobody, tell Dan Shanoff about this.

And then there was the victory that almost wasn't for Iowa. My chosen team, the predicted Big Ten Champion and National Title contender struggling in overtime against a vastly underwhelming Syracuse team. Yep, no Drew Tate was a big problem - please, God, let Drew heal rapidly. - Manson, Iowa's "backup" QB was a disaster throwing 4 interceptions and allowing that Syracuse squad to stick around. I want very badly to give Iowa the benefit of the doubt: untried backup QB + hostile, noisy, domed arena / a very green linebacking corp. and secondary = strife and struggle, but my faith in Iowa has been shaken to the core.
Iowa and Cap'n Kirk realized the meaningless of their lives upon sruggling with Syracuse.

Sunday Afternoon Update

Dude, I was protecting our rep!

Columbus, Ohio which has always in victory or defeat been the epitome of class and dignity is on fire following Ohio State's win in Austin, Texas against the University of Texas. Shocking news, just shocking!

In Columbus? We've got trouble with a capital 'T,' that stands for C, which stands for Couch, Burning.

Tressel: Man, I got my swag!

Well, last night was pretty awesome around these parts for Captain Rustbelt. After a difficult week of saying good-bye to one of the biggest tOSU fans he's ever known, THE Ohio State University took care of their business in a most professional fashion. The Buckeyes, for one week at least, answered all questions about their pre-season ranking as a consensus numero uno and the much doubted tOSU defense played incredibly well against an increasingly dangerous Texas offense. I don't want to gush too much about how good tOSU looked. BUT the defense after being hoodwinked by a crafty UT, option dominated running attack for the first quarter, settled down and clamped the fuck down on the 'Horns. McMcoy looked alright but couldn't seem to grasp the fundamental football concept of throwing the ball to your best receiver (Sweed, Limas) who, incidentally, was making tOSU's best cover man, Jenkins, Malcom, look pedestrian all night long. Time will tell the tale, but, UT's offense looked pretty jacked up for having an extra from 'Malcom in the Middle' under center. From what I can tell, the Longhorns O could be considered Tropical Storm Whup Ass and should be upgraded to Hurricane Whup Ass any week now.

The rest of the Big 12 would do well to steer clear of Hurricane Whup Ass.

Regarding the Bucks offense there really is not a whole lot to be said. Ninja receiver Anthony Gonzalez, who, heretofore, had been viewed as a "possession receiver" showed everyone why doubling up on Ginn is a Bad Idea. Ted showed why it's always a Bad Idea to let him anywhere near the ball, if you're the defense and you plan on winning the game. Pittman, was his usual hard running self, putting in the yeoman's load of carries against a savage Texas D Line. And then there was Troy Smith:

Troy: "Coach, that's the man, right over there." Tressel: "And what did he say to you, Troy?" Troy: "He said, I was a menace, and that I'm the reason why Teks don't come with holsters." Tressel: "Bastard."

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Mack Brown's psyche has gotta be all kinds of fucked up after losing his first game in a little under two years and without his Vince Young security blanket. Will Mack revert back to his pre 2005, "I'm gonna choke on every big game I stumble into" or will he lead the Burnt Orange Nation to the BCS (though doubtful Championship game) promised land?

Even with the OSU victory down in Austin all was not well in Big Ten country. No, thanks to losses by Northwestern, Illinois, Penn State and Minnesota the Big Ten's street cred is a little bit weaker than it was after last week; when The Conference went undefeated. Now, with Illinois I can understand the shutout @ Rutgers- I mean, if I'm the Zookster, I'm thrilled that everybody got on and off the bus and had their helmets on. But, seriously, Penn State, Northwestern and Minnesota I want to see all three of you after class.

Penn State @ Notre Dame: I was pretty surprised by the outcome of this one for two things. 1) I'm dumbfounded by the PSU's coaching staff inability to stop the bleeding. I mean, they shit the bed on a routine basis all game long-especially in the first half, when they had the chance to take ND's crowd out of it. 2) Quinnbot 5000 seems to have evolved out of his beta-version and is now a grown man Quinnbot 10000 with Mad Scientist Weiss pushing all the right buttons yesterday. I thought Quinn was gonna be a little rusty for the PSU game and I didn't even consider that PSU's D would be that suspect.

Brady Quinn: After Notre Dame's title run this season, he's planning on forgoing the NFL Draft and finding Sara Connor.

Alphabetical Team Breakdown part 4

The University of Michigan and head coach Lloyd Carr are approaching nearly a decades worth of sitting on laurels and fondly remembering their halycon days of 1997. In fact, Captain Rustbelt, can recall a few disgruntled student-writers, in the pressbox of a 2002 UW-UM game in Ann Arbor, bitching about the Wolverines not having won an outright Big Ten title in a decade... Pfft, losers, U of M fans are sooooo impatient, ever hear about an Illinois fan complaining about a lack of titles? I didn't think so. Still, things as they are, many fans, pundits feel this might be "the year" for Michigan. Well, it won't be.

Michigan has got a jacked up, silent, but, oh, so deadly offense this year. Chad Henne is the prototypical U of M qb who gets better and better each year. See: Brady, T., Navarre, J., Hensen, D., et al for a comparison. Plus, Mario Mannigham and Steve Breaston are incredible talents at wideout, the O-line is solid if not spectacular. The crux of Michigan's offense and their season at large rides on the health of Mike Hart. If Hart stays injury-free, the Wolverines will be riding his talents into a January bowl game-think Outback Bowl more than Rose Bowl.

With Michigan's relatively unknown commodity of an offense, much of the criticisms have been directed at Michigan's defense. Michigan does have an amazing defensive line that is stronger and much more menacing than granite.Arguably this d-line is the best of the Big Ten and is anchored by the twin forces of Alan Branch and LaMarr Woodley; there are few teams who will be having season high rushing days against this unit.

But, when your vulnerable back seven is facing Brady Quinn, Drew Stanton, Drew Tate and Troy Smith in one season there will be many opportunities for bad things to happen. And bad things will happen. Sure Michigan is going to be able to contain one of the aformentioned qbs, Rustbelt feels it will be Drew Stanton, but who knows? Michigan's going 9-3 and will be booking flights to either Orlando or Tampa for the New Year's holiday. Of course this will do little to assuage the venom U of M fans and alumni will be spitting in the direction of Lloyd Carr following another year of losing to Notre Dame and the Ohio Stae University.


"Awwww, raspeberries! Another two losses to the teams I'm not a'sposed to lose to."

Alphabetical Team Breakdown part 3

Alright, with the dregs of Division 1 - Illinois and Indiana, you two may sit down and await further word on your petitioning to be demoted to D1-AA - out of the way, the alphabetical team breakdown moves on to the University of Iowa.


Excuse me, Mr Owl, what does it take to win the Big Ten?



(Captain Rustbelt in a grandfatherly owl-ly voice) Well, that's a good question. Let's find out...

1) Favorable schedule

Yep, the Hawks have got that, circle September 30 and October 21 as the only two games that Iowa forseeably has a chance at blowing. September 30, tOSU comes to Iowa City for a night game... depending on what sorta mental wrasslin' match Tress and Captain Kirk get themselves involved in this game could go either way. Maybe Tress, Troy and Ted will figure out how to play "Catch the Ball and Run Real Fast," and end up embarrassing Iowa's vaguely vulnerable secondary...

Oct. 21 is The Game if the Hawks beat tOSU. @ Michigan Typically, teams go into the Big House and shit the bed before the end of the first quarter. However, Captain Kirk and the gang have an entire system designed around not shitting the bed. Furthermore, the past five years nobody besides SweaterVest has a better record against Lloyd than Kirk. Including the 2002 34-9 Hawkeye contracted demolition in Ann Arbor.

2) Seasoned Beef Jerky Seasoned, veteran quarterbackDoctor: "Son, I'm afraid I have some bad news." Drew Tate: "Bad news?" Doctor: "Yes, Drew, I'm afraid your blood is frozen. It's almost as if your veins are frozen." (Rimshot!) Anyways, senior quarterback, hole-in-one expert and icy blooded assassin of opponents both Big Ten and otherwise is going to be hotter than a Nelly video all year long. Even in a down year for the team in 2005, Mr. Tate improved his TD-INT ratio, drastically. Cutting out seven picks and upping the TDs by +2. Not bad for a fella that was carrying the offense for most of the season. Of course it's a different season and Tate's going to have to rely on steady tight end Scott Chandler and studly running back Albert Young until the young and inexperienced receivers catch up (get it?) with the rest of the offense.

However, if inexperience and youth are the issue you're looking for the defense of Iowa should provide you with the adolescent reminiscence thou seeks. Yep, the Hawkeyes, have fairly huge questions in the secondary and reasonably large questions in the back 7 for a defense that in spite of the two-headed and graduated tackling monster that was Hodge and Greenway still was startlingly underwhelming for most of last season. Basically, Iowa is a less-exciting version of Ohio State. Lots of consistent offense, theoretically and presumably, less explosive than tOSU's theoretical 2006 offensive juggernaut; combined with a lot to replace on the defensive side much like the Buckeyes. Still, Captain Rustbelt feels like Tate and a favorable schedule is going to allow Iowa to win the Big Ten and compete for the National Title in the desert.

Much like young Alec here, Iowa's defense is still in it's infancy.

Friday dose of ODB

For your viewing pleasure ODB crashing the Grammy's. Awesome, oh so very awesome!

Alphabetical Team Breakdown part 2

Alright, pop quiz hotshot! You're Indiana University. Much like the state university to the west of you, uhh, Illinois, you're student body is obsessed with basketball. More than that your campus is overrun with those indie rockers all talking about Secretly Canadian Records and Jason Molina this, Jason Molina that. Your sophomore head coach has been having some "major problems" with his head, to put it mildly. What do you do, what do you do?

It's a grim life for Indiana football fans and players, much like being the prehistoric cement mixing pelican in the Flintstones, you approach football as "Ehh, it's a living." However, there is one brillaint, sublime beam of light shining from the heavens...

Blaring Trumpets!!

JAMES HARDY


Yes, friends James Hardy will be a household name in the Midwest by the end of this year. The 6'7" Fort Wayne, IN. native and freak of nature will be itching to put the burn on more secondaries in his sophomore year. And as it looks now all IU's QB Blake Powers [note, this is easily the best pseudonymn for a comic book action hero ever... somebody tell my secretary to get Marvel on line one] will have to do is lob the ball approx. 50 yards down field and in the general vincinity of James Hardy. Here's the catch, IU has got no running game and a porous O-line with Powers getting sacked 27! times last year. Yes, that was more times than Mr. Powers found the end zone.

More exciting news about Hardy is that he's is-apparently-focusing solely on football after arriving in Bloomington as a two star prospect in football and basketball, you were maybe thinking water polo?

So, yeah, look up Hoosier fans you're gonna have some genetic lotto winner playing catch and run for at least another season before he bolts for the pros! Other than that, well, you've got two gimmes on the schedule but don't get too uppity 'cause you still won't even be sniffing at a bowl eligible record this season.

News comin' atcha

Hardy and girlfriend back on best of terms!

IU wideout James Hardy and his gf are, like, totally back together! So, James, well, he got really mad at her because like, James said, "She was all up in my face." But now they are copacetic and his girl wants him back after explaining that a misdemeanor charge of battery was "a misunderstanding."

So goes the story out of Fort Wayne, IN according to the AP. Hardy's female friend testified at a hearing that the whole thing was "a big misunderstanding." Anywho, Hardy still will face trial for the charges in August, but it seems as though the couple of lovebirds be cool?

Sober PSU student sure has some 'splainin' to do

Oh to be 19, carefree and on the field of Beaver Stadium after the beloved Nittany Lions have vanquished Big Ten rival Ohio State. Yes, it makes a young person want to celebrate in the most acceptable manner for the setting, by tackling and punching a campus cop and then holding the officer in a headlock! Huh? Yep, immediately after last season's 17-10 victory over the Buckeyes amidst a stampede of 2,000 or so other PSU students Nathan Lehman bumrushed campus cop Cyprien Brien, Lehman then punched the officer and held him in "an extended headlock."

Lehman cited being in a "raw emotional state" after a "sour" breakup with his girlfriend and partying in Paternoville for two nights leading up to the game for the inexplicable assault. Lehman is a religious, nondrinking, engineering student (are you reading this Rudy?) who will now have a criminal record.
Far be it for the Captain to ever question a student's reaction following a spirited and crucial Big Ten game BUT my only incident involving campus police and football games was when a campus cop cuffed the Captain after jaywalking along with a mob of other fans exiting Camp Randall. Like our young protagonist Nathan, Rustbelt, was also sober (believe it!) during his encounter with the cop. It went a little differently...

Meanwhile, Lehman has seen his stock skyrocket in the "Most Likely to go Bat fucking Crazy" market.

Samardzija drafted by Chicago Cubs

Pretty sure everyone is aware of this by now but, yes, Notre Dame's uber talented 'Shark' receiver/lheart throb for the ladies/pitcher Jeff Samardzija has been drafted by those hapless Chicago Cubs. Samardzija who is a rather solid pitcher for the Fightin' Irish will be pitching for the Cubbies minor league squad this summer the Boise Hawks. Samardzija who I feel could become the next great white posession receiver of the NFL much in the line of prototypes such as McAffery, Ed, can hurl the heat off the mound at over 90 mph. Plenty more about this story at... The Chicago Sun-Times

tOSU hires new Compliance Director

File this under 'C' for "Closed barn doors after cows got out." But THE Ohio State University has hired a new compliance director-Mr Douglas Archie formerly of the University of Utah. Archie will replace Heather Lyke-Catalano who was relocated elsewhere within tOSU's Ath. Dpt. after not following up on accusations that the foreign kid/reason for in-depth investigation of program, was living for free and getting paid to play bball for the Buckeyes.

If my memory serves me Rome didn't have a compliance director under Nero's rule and that worked out just fine...

Alphabetical Team Breakdown part 1

University of Illinois Fightin' Illini



Take away the headset, now, does this man appear to be in charge of any sideline situation??

Ok, so if you're Illinois life in the Big Ten is all about survival. Yep, no chance of winning any conference games for the second straight year, so simply readjust your outlook and keep telling yourself "This too shall pass." Speaking of passing Tim Brasic, UI's senior QB, returns for another go around and was actually one of the few bright spots in the Illini offense last season. The boy kept his head up in the midst of a nine game losing streak to close out the season, completed more than 60% of his passes and rushed for over 400 yards. The bad news is that he tossed 11 picks to match his 11 touchdowns and that he had no running game period. Things in Champaign were so bad that UW stud Brian Calhoun nearly outgained the Orange's rushing output on his own-dude came up 15 yards short of surpassing Ron Zook's rushing juggernaut.
Then of course there is the matter of the man, the legend, Ron Zook. Great recruiter and a great "diplomat" in terms of campus "crises" involving the football team and fraternities; but don't count on getting to Pasadena (or any other BCS game) with him telling you what to do. With Zook and Illinois it's a great situation in that the fan base of UI is counting down the days 'til basketball season and Zook is more than happy to oblige in passing the time by fielding a clown car of a football unit. The future for the Illini looks slightly brighter in (already) pro potential tailback Rashard Mendenhall, as a frosh he got very little attention or play time but he'll be blowing up against the NCS opponents and startling the bejesus out of unprepared/untested Big Ten linebacking corps. and D-lines. -I'm looking at you Ohio State & Penn State.
Think of Mendenhall as a larger and more aggresive Tyrell Sutton-for now-I'm hedging my bets with U of Illinois but Mendenhall looked good in the few seconds I saw him last year...

I'm sure there's something I could add about their defense and its existence but I've got some scotch to drink.

Alphabetical breakdown of teams...

Ok, after an exteneded period of minimal activity the Captain is back. Typically with this blogging thing digression is the name of the game and the oh so patient few get more bored and more disenchanted with the Internet and me specifically. Well, I'm gonna try and change that, we'll see how it goes.

Anyway we are only a scant (and not approximate) two months away from the most wonderful time of the year... and with the summer days getting longer (and typically drunker) that leaves us at the Express little time to dawdle on predictions, previews, non sequiturs and non-sensical digressions.

Coming next week an alphabetical breakdown of the teams of the Big Ten. Until then here's some more Ol' Dirty Bastard for y'all.



ODB: Now more than ever!

News from around the country...

Oregon and Oregon State to face off on day after Thanksgiving




Yep, the ol' Civil War is gonna be reenacted the day after Turkey Day, one of the most primo days of the year for C F B. I believe the kick off is at 12:30 and Fox is carrying it. (Man, that's weird that Fox is broadcasting the C F B, also, really a 12:30 EST kickoff? Man, that sucks for the kids in Corvalis/Eugene who went out HARD on Thursday night.) Personally, this should be the late night option for EST post-Egg Bowl.

Hardy court date set

James Hardy, Indiana's superstar wide out or tall out? Dude's 6'7"! is going to go to court and tell his side of the story as to how his gf in Fort Wayne had red marks on her neck and why she was dialing the PO-Lice. I'm goin' out on a limb but maybe he just has got a lil' Ike in him?


According to Hardy he shoved his girlfriend after she "got into his face." No, that's the same thing I tell the cops when I'm 6'7" and my main bitch is all up in my grill. Conveniently enough the court date is only a eight days away from IU's season opener against -directional-Michicagn University, not sure of the big deal but his attorneys were bugged about that date...


Northern Illnois to host Iowa at Soldier Field in 2007

In this mornings Sun-Times the good news!

I mean it's not Notre Dame-Iowa or some sort of balls out Kickoff Challenge twixt USC-VaTech from a few years ago, but for Chicago and College Football this is a step in the right direction. And it's not like Joe Novak had anything to lose...

2.84 million? That's a lot of pork, err, corn err Porn?

Yesterday, Friday as you and I might call it, Kirk Ferentz got one hell of a raise. Captain Kirk got himself a boost of 1.44 million dollars for the rest of his contract which expires in 2012. Curiously Iowa's Head Coach did not get a contract extension which leads one to wonder if he's going to have some high demands (read robot sentries patrolling the red zone, having a county in Iowa named after him) in 2012. In the meantime I can only assume that Kirk is gonna be buying lots of pork, corn, porn, pimped out International Harvesters and magnums of Moet to compete with Tress's HoverCraft over in C-bus.



Now picture this motha f*cka wit some 20s and a dvd and 50" plasma in da back




Incidentally, Tressinator got himself a pretty penny last month. Yep, "the Coach who'll eventually cost Lloyd his job," got himself a raise up to 2.4 mill. a year and a handsome 7 year contract extension. If you wanted to start with job security you could do worse than beating your arch rival 4/5 times, winning a national title and going to three BCS games granted all 3 have been in Tempe.

Word around the campfire is that Tress and Ferentz with their newly found super wealth powers will be starting a crime fighting duo that focuses largely on tormenting Lloyd when the two won't be out and saving the day. Meanwhile, back in Mordor, err, Hell, err Ann Arbor Lloyd is stroking his cat, Mr. Fudgesicle whilst sitting in a leather chair, sipping port in front of a fire place and plotting a takeover of the Big Ten involving punts, conservative play calling and blowing 4th quarter leads thanks to punting and well, conservative play calling.

Remember This!

We're all about progress at the Rustbelt and as we progress through our Memorial Day Weekend celebrations with a special guest from far flung NYC, we're not going to be doin' any more postin'. However, we want to honor and pay tribute to our favorite soldier, The Ol' Dirty Bastard himself, Mr. Russel Jones!

Enjoy the video!

Being all you can be

Alright, after a week of unorganized discourse regarding teams and their non-conference scheduling a conclusion has been drawn. For many teams the difference between a bowl game and a losing season is the NCS games at the start of the year. However, if we're to argue that if a team needs to beat D-1AA U. to get to a bowl game they maybe aren't fully deserving of a bowl game. In these rankings we have four tiers, Top o' the Heap, Middle of the Pack, Losers, and Bigger Losers.
The Top o' the Heap squads for the most part have had more difficult NCS than the rest of the conference and that has arguably made a difference. For example OSU (last Big Ten team to win a national title) their 2002 season they played Texas Tech and a Washington State squad that ended up playing in the Rose Bowl. Since '02 tOSU has played North Carolina State (not great but bear with me, Phillip Rivers decent qb...) and Texas twice and have future dates with the Trojans of USC twice and the Hurricanes of Miami twice. Bottom line tOSU has manned up in a big way and Tress in some sick and vaguely masochistic thought process has decided to go back to the man up table for a second and third helping.
It's not like the Buckeyes are winning every one of those games - just look at V. Young at Ohio Stadium last year. However, the Bucks also didn't fall too much in the rankings after that loss and still wound up thrashing ND in the Fiesta Bowl.
For a squad like Wisconsin to begin making a case for truly being considered an upper echelon squad conference and nationwide, scheduling a tougher NCS makes sense. They might lose a game or two but eventually they'll catch someone they're better than and begin rebuilding some cred/luster that has rusted and pitted in the face of time and mediocre scheduling.
For the Losers category, hey it never hurts to get smacked around by a bigger, better team than you and it always looks better when that team is from a power conference as opposed to a mid level.
For any of the teams they have nothing to lose, but especially for the teams in the Middle of the Pack and down there is nothing to lose, unless your unwilling to look past the potential financial windfall of the Wells-Fargo sponsored Sun Bowl.


Team/Credentials or rants*

Top 'o the Heap:

University of Iowa/ Big Ten Title, and only one losing season since 2000, grindin' straight grindin'

University of Michigan/ 3 Big Ten Titles, note, none outright, U of M hasn't won an outright title since 1997

Ohio State University / National Title, 2 Big Ten Titles, no losing seasons since 2000


Middle of the Pack:

University of Minnesota / Have only missed one bowl game once since 2000. Nothing outstanding, just consistent, polite and probably a little too proud of what they've accomplished, much like this state as a whole.

University of Wisconsin / Close to .500 since their back-to-back victories in Pasadena. Would definitely be competing w. tOSU for the lead dog slot if this were a breakdown of "extra-curricular" activities during the off-season.

Indiana University / Psyche! These losers are at the bottom of the list. You're telling me this is only team from the Big Ten not to make it to a bowl in the 2000s? Ha, losers!

Purdue / Remarkable in their complete and unremarkably unaccomplished period of 8 or 7 win seasons. Even their Rose Bowl season of 2000 was blemished by finishing with 4 losses and tying w. Northwestern for the title, lost to U of Washington in Pasadena. Incidentally, 2000 a down year for the Big Ten. Purdue seems to constantly be on the "brink of something big" uhh, at least according to Stewart Mandel and other pundits.


Losers:

Penn State University / Hmm, two winning seasons in six years, nice work guys. Seriously, this is a tough call. If you look back the Nittany Lions have in years past had some tough games USC in 2000, Miami in '01, and home & homes with Nebraska and Boston College in '02-'03 and '03-'04 respectively. But also have inexplicable losses at home against Toledo and Pittsburgh in 2000.

Northwestern / Get far too much cred for stringing together winning seasons due to NW's rep as a "really good school." That being said Randy Walker and his smoke and mirror option offense is a major pain in the ass for D's to defend.


Bigger Losers:

Michigan State
Illinois


*Criteria is based off overall team success since 2000. If a team had a fluke year, ie: Illinois in 2001 (Hello Big Ten title and inevitable smackdown at the hands of LSU in the Sugar Bowl) it matters less when compared with the not so Fightin' Illini's embarrassing track record through the rest of this century. Further evidence see Penn State's two winning seasons and one Orange Bowl win in 6 years does not a King Big Dick football team make.

Continued moaning and consternating regarding NCS*

< *That's non-conference scheduling to all y'all ig'nant mofos.>

Okay a few bookkeeping matters to get out of the way. One, a number of readers have remarked to the staff that:
A) I should include the schedules of teams I'm complaining about. Fair enough. I'll start that off in a sec with a retroactive sked for U dubs.
B) I should make it clear that this is all beta testing. Yes, much like the "Universal Re-Monster," Rustbelt-Express is a work in progress.

"The Re-Monster? We're still, uh, beta-testing that.

Alright now on to the complaining and (limited) thoughts.

Regarding Wisco, grade wise, ehh, we can call it a "D." Consensus? A lot of very easy (if not worthwhile/fun/impressive) non-conference games to cushion the inevitable beat downs administered by the Big Ten.
*L
**W
Prediction, 7-5
09/02-Bowling Green, in Cleveland**
09/09-Western Illinois, Camp Randall**
09/16-San Diego State, Camp Randall**
09/23-@ Michigan, Ann Arbor*
09/30-@ Indiana, Bloomington**
10/07-Northwestern, Camp Randall**
10/14- Minnesota, Camp Randall*
10/21- @ Pudue, West Lafayette*
10/28- Illinois, Camp Randall**
11/04- Penn State, Camp Randall*
11/11- @ Iowa, Iowa City*
11/18- Buffalo, Camp Randall**

Ann Arbor and Color Coded Titties

We all like pretty women, right? And we all want pretty women to kiss us, right? And if we can't kiss pretty women we like to ogle them, right?

strange and less than magnificent

That seems to be about the chain of quasi-logic spewing from the mind of whoever set up this website. That, or, maybe even more likely, some meddlesome undergrads in Ann Arbor taking an entry level computer programming course hacked into their poor Latvian grad student's account and published this site. "But, Profeeessor, I cannot even emaghine posting dis breasts of women on Interweb. I homosexual!!" Yeah, meddlesome undergrads, that's the ticket!

Whatever, as long as it gives Lloyd Carr something else to think about during coitus with the wifey. God, I can just picture that banshee yelling at Lloyd about not beating Ohio State and Notre Dame and being too conservative on offense.

yellow bellied varmints

After the NCAA approved a 12 game schedule for the football playin' time the Pac 10 Conference went ahead and made everybody play everybody in conference. Meanwhile, the Big Ten was left twiddling around with it's collective thingy, with teams for the most part using the schedule expansion as an opportunity to add another cupcake team to their schedule. Bearing that in mind the Rustbelt staff is fully aware of the fact that another cupcake to any big schoo'sl sked. will not be making or breaking their season in BCS standings or what have you. That said we just feel that.. you know the teams could've manned up a bit as opposed to say, adding Buffalo to the schedule. With that in mind the staff of Rustbelt would like to offer a breakdown of the teams that have been added and a general looksy at the non-conference schedules.



Very likely the culprit behind scheduling UW Madison's candy ass non-Big Ten schedule


"Wuss"consin

The guiltiest party regarding soft-as baby's ass-scheduling (for this season) could very well be UW. Not only do they face Bowling Green in Cleveland. [Weird contract obligation for determining game's location. Thanks to savvy BG Athletic Department telling UW, "You can kick our ass, but we want to be smacked around in downtown Cleveland. Look, this is as close as some our boys will get to playing at the next level."-Ed.]
The Falcon's starting qb and convenient scapegoat for what will most likely be a 'rebuilding' season with the departure of Omar Jacobs, Anthony Turner, has been suspended for the season opener against the Badgers. So, yes, more than likely the Badgers will be undefeated following this one.
Following the clash in Cleveland, Wisco faces off with the always dangerous and perenially D-IAA, Western Illinois University and the marginally more talented and alma mater of Marshall Faulk, San Diego State the week following with both games in Madison.
Now a few years ago (2002) UW barely defeated the talented directional University in Illinois (NIU, if you're keeping score at home) could this happen again? Not bloody likely. In spite of their Marine based moniker-Leathernecks-WIU has a snowball's chance to beat UW. Seems as though Barry, Brett and the boys learned their lesson after getting burned by the U of Cincy in '99, Fresno State in '01, UNLV in '03 and countless close calls, U of Cincy in '00 and NIU in '02 for starters to fuck around with mid majors that might embarass the Cardinal and White.

Remember that in 2001 Fresno State was not regarded as the giant slayers of mid-conferences that they are nowadays. No, this was still pre-Pat Hill going all Scarecrow on the coaching staffs across the country. So in some respects UW has reason to be afraid of those non-conference games. However, the question will always remain: Really you had to schedule Buffalo? I mean why not just Syracuse or some school with a degree of modest acclaim that's in a downspell? Shit, why not have some balls and schedule the U of Miami or a team from another power conference.

Pat Hill is inside your head, are you listening Les Miles?

It's structural perfection is matched only by it's hostility. You have my sympathies.

Thousands of legs, indeed!

Nothing to report on the Big Ten Football front, however, I do have good news on the homefront! Yes, friends, finally my new roommates the millipedes have moved into my house. Seems with the coming of Spring and with the icy cold stranglehold of Winter lifting, millipede families by (rough estimate) the tens of hundreds have moved into the walls of my shower and are now crawling around. Yep, I saw one of the fellers climbing along the window sill and then I spit some water at him to let him on the clean good fun. Word is, love is in the air and that there might be soon hundreds of thousands of the little critters. Remember, God loves all his creatures, alas, I do not have that sort of affection/restraint.

Getting to know the Captain and the Rustbelt

Alright well, youi're already here. Please, make yourself comfortable, this could get long and ugly before the end. This is my blog and it is will largely pertain to Big Ten related items. As the season grows closer you should be sure to look out for brazen predictions and bold plans to unfurl.

For now, let's go over the basics, I am Captain Rustbelt and I grew up in Toldeo, OH aka, the Glass Capital aka the Ass Capital. Ha! See that, that is comedy, I deftly switched out the "Gl" of Glass and instead Toledo became the capital of butts. Ha, boy, I sure am funny. Seriously, the Toledo Rockets compete in the Glass Bowl and uhh, the city has no identity besides that and Jamie Farr, Mash, Mudhens, Katie Holmes and being Detroit's sphincter. Ok, so around the age of 18ish I decided to go and get some fancy book learning beyond the high school diploma. Much to my parents chagrin instead of attending THE roughneck Ohio State University, I attended the University of Wisconsin-Madison which I was to learn was just as roughneck at least as far as football programs and not quite as accomplished as tOSU's.

Elysian Fields...

It's hard to be thinking about college football at this time of year. What with the excitement of the NBA Playoffs and Major League Baseball getting into full swing. However, that most blessed time of the year will be upon us soon enough and the staff at rustbelt-express want you the readers to know that we are looking out for you. We'll be here as often as need be and will be making as many road trips to BigTen campuses on Saturdays as possible.