Alphabetical Team Breakdown part 3

Alright, with the dregs of Division 1 - Illinois and Indiana, you two may sit down and await further word on your petitioning to be demoted to D1-AA - out of the way, the alphabetical team breakdown moves on to the University of Iowa.


Excuse me, Mr Owl, what does it take to win the Big Ten?



(Captain Rustbelt in a grandfatherly owl-ly voice) Well, that's a good question. Let's find out...

1) Favorable schedule

Yep, the Hawks have got that, circle September 30 and October 21 as the only two games that Iowa forseeably has a chance at blowing. September 30, tOSU comes to Iowa City for a night game... depending on what sorta mental wrasslin' match Tress and Captain Kirk get themselves involved in this game could go either way. Maybe Tress, Troy and Ted will figure out how to play "Catch the Ball and Run Real Fast," and end up embarrassing Iowa's vaguely vulnerable secondary...

Oct. 21 is The Game if the Hawks beat tOSU. @ Michigan Typically, teams go into the Big House and shit the bed before the end of the first quarter. However, Captain Kirk and the gang have an entire system designed around not shitting the bed. Furthermore, the past five years nobody besides SweaterVest has a better record against Lloyd than Kirk. Including the 2002 34-9 Hawkeye contracted demolition in Ann Arbor.

2) Seasoned Beef Jerky Seasoned, veteran quarterbackDoctor: "Son, I'm afraid I have some bad news." Drew Tate: "Bad news?" Doctor: "Yes, Drew, I'm afraid your blood is frozen. It's almost as if your veins are frozen." (Rimshot!) Anyways, senior quarterback, hole-in-one expert and icy blooded assassin of opponents both Big Ten and otherwise is going to be hotter than a Nelly video all year long. Even in a down year for the team in 2005, Mr. Tate improved his TD-INT ratio, drastically. Cutting out seven picks and upping the TDs by +2. Not bad for a fella that was carrying the offense for most of the season. Of course it's a different season and Tate's going to have to rely on steady tight end Scott Chandler and studly running back Albert Young until the young and inexperienced receivers catch up (get it?) with the rest of the offense.

However, if inexperience and youth are the issue you're looking for the defense of Iowa should provide you with the adolescent reminiscence thou seeks. Yep, the Hawkeyes, have fairly huge questions in the secondary and reasonably large questions in the back 7 for a defense that in spite of the two-headed and graduated tackling monster that was Hodge and Greenway still was startlingly underwhelming for most of last season. Basically, Iowa is a less-exciting version of Ohio State. Lots of consistent offense, theoretically and presumably, less explosive than tOSU's theoretical 2006 offensive juggernaut; combined with a lot to replace on the defensive side much like the Buckeyes. Still, Captain Rustbelt feels like Tate and a favorable schedule is going to allow Iowa to win the Big Ten and compete for the National Title in the desert.

Much like young Alec here, Iowa's defense is still in it's infancy.